I have neglected the blog...just have not been able to think about it after the decision was made not to proceed with the adoption. Very few probably know the pain I have felt since. I feel like I am in a place now to write about it, as well as wanting to share an experience I had recently. My heart shattered when we decided not to proceed. The main reason. Money. It costs A LOT of money to adopt. We, unfortunately, are not wealthy people. We have average jobs with average salaries. We, do, however, have HUGE hearts and a lot of love to share. But, that, unfortunately, does not go towards the cost of adoption. I can't say that I have completely given up. I haven't. I still pray about it every day. My heart still hurts. Life continues.

Shortly after the decision, I felt the calling to travel to Uganda for a mission trip. We were blessed with people that donated money to go towards this experience, as well as donations (monetary and items) for the orphanage (6 large suitcases worth!). My daughter and I traveled to Uganda for 10 days. For 10 days, we were able to love on the children, assist with chores at the orphanage, experience a home visit, deliver 30 care packages to 15 needy families, love on the child we have sponsored for the last 4 years and want to adopt, and experience a culture and a people that would steal our hearts forever. TEN days. The time went so fast. I felt so at home there...I now have 2 families – one in Wisconsin and one at AHCM. They may be on the other side of the world, but I love them so dearly. The Lord blessed us greatly...

I don't know that the experience healed my heart in the sense I thought it would. Many of the children stole a piece of my heart. I love H more each day. In regards to adoption, the flicker is still there. I don't know if it will ever happen. Even if it doesn't, I will forever refer to H as my daughter. She might live thousands of miles away, but I will always love her like my own.

I don't know what the future holds. I pray daily and praise the Lord for bringing me through this painful experience. Will another child be in our future? Perhaps. Only God knows the answer to that. Perhaps a domestic adoption, international, or not at all.



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    My name is Jill and I am a Christian with a love for life, my husband, my children, and my Lord! We are on this journey together to bring another child into our home through adoption!